The Return of the...

The idea of putting pen to paper is a simplistic idea, even virtually via keyboard and keystrokes.  Hand poised, words flitting through the mind; forwards, backwards, sideways, up, down, left, right and centre.  But, wait, hold on a minute!   Bam!  Suddenly, the mind goes blank and everything buzzing around and begging for attention has disappeared!  Where has it gone?  Into the black void of this damned-able thing called a writer’s block.  Is it person?  Plant?  Mineral?  Oh, no no no!   It’s a bird!  No, it’s a plane!  Wait, no!  It’s.. it’s.. an invisible barrier that is nearly insurmountable force that is impassable by the human mind without focus of a muse.  What on earth is this sorcery?!  I dare say, if it were a human, I would boldly inquire if it were, in fact, a wizard!  And how dare he (or she, whatever your preference be) deny the flow that wants to be expressed in any way, shape or form?!  Nay, how dare they impede this creative process?  Damn you, writer’s block.  Damn you, straight to hell!

My writer’s block came in the form of losing belief in myself and my ability to write.  I don’t believe that I’m the next Stephen King or Anne Rice, but I do believe I have some talent or I’d have been told to hang my hat up on it awhile ago.  At least, I hope someone would have the ability to stand up to me and say “Hey, you. Yeah, you right there.  Yep, you’re the one I’m talking to!  You suck.”  However, all my friends have continued to encourage me to keep writing.  “Write,” they say.  As if I am to blindly put my fingers to my keyboard and hope that something golden comes out of this string I’m spinning round and round we go.  So here I am and there you are.  I am going to return to the magical world of imagination and expression.  I hope I find my way back to the creativity that used to flow freely through me.   I plan on updating this blog on a monthly basis with my incredibly sardonic and sarcastic views of whatever flights of fancy catch my.. well.. fancy.

It has occurred to me that while my expressive font may have dwindled to a dry blotch on parchment, my creativity and imagination continues to grow by leaps and bounds – especially whilst I’m trying to sleep.  I still have as vivid as ever dreams which range from awesome to incredibly gruesome.  If I could just get what I see in my dreams to paper, who knows?  I could write the next occult horror flick!  Wouldn’t that just be something?  Anyway, I’m going to range in my rambling of these great visions of grandeur and start to work on my next full(er) piece of.. whatever the hell comes out.

I hope you guys come along for this ride and stick with me while I find my way back to myself…

Braaains, maybe?

I know this is a tad late for the massive attack wave of internet memes and such with a side of bath salts; I believe it went viral faster than an infection, which is astonishing from a certain perspective.  Our society is completely prepared for a zombie apocalypse compared to any other catastrophe that could befall our planet or species.  Droves of people have created plans on the premise of “just in case…” measures, preparing themselves for the worst case scenario so they and their loved ones are provided for; I suppose it could be useful in that “just in case…” situation.  I find this comically ironic, considering most of the populace don’t even have a 5 year plan for success, much less for life time goals or achievements.  I would also take a wager that most of the population doesn’t have a financial plan or will.  As society has progressed, the population doesn’t even need to plan out a “worst case” scenario with the laws that have been passed and acted upon. 

I dare say I don’t see many people planning for a stable or secure future; financial or otherwise.  I remember when I was younger and I was in school, my teacher asked the class what we wanted to be when we grew up.  Among the chorus of Doctors, Teachers, Policemans and Firemans; I was the lone rebel who exclaimed “A Toys R Us Kid”, rather loudly and proudly.  Granted, I was only joking at the time and I did get in trouble for it, I would still say the same thing- becoming an adult and maturing doesn’t mean losing hopes, dreams or imagination.  I still hold onto those “childish” ways and rebellion, in a lot of ways.  I, daresay, I find it more than a tad ironic for all my “immature” ways; I had a better head and mindset on my shoulders than the lot of them.   Most of them had marks against their permanent record before they were even fully adults by the legal definition of 18 years old.  What a shame, what a waste…

Why plan for success when it has been proven that a failed failure is a success as I’ve stated in a previous post?  If at first you don’t succeed, try and try again until you do.  I find this method similar to ramming ones face into a wall repeatedly or tapping the red hot burner of a stove just to make sure it’s working; what does one hope to accomplish?  Is it to really check if that burner is as hot as it looks?  Or maybe, to see if that wall really is a solid substance that will stop us dead in our tracks?  Even, a bit further, to test the resilience of something that will not bend nor break against the feeble attempts that a human body alone can apply?  If you added something more substantial than just a human body, then you might break down that wall; as it were, not too many people will grab a sledge hammer to get the job done.  They’d rather go all gung-ho at that wall, armed only with fists a-blazin’. 

I suppose it’s something similar to those schmucks out on the beaches during hurricane season, what is their reasoning?  This is the gem of it all.  They are in tip-top physical shape because of hours and hours of working out, preparing for one thing or another, so the winds up to umpteenth miles an hour doesn’t scare them one wit.  Personally, it’s not hard blowing winds or high slapping waves that scare me.  It’s what those winds and waves can move if properly motivated to; like the Volkswagen van parked next to the hippy that decided to duct tape himself to the palm tree parked next to it.  I particularly loved his dialogue concerning his well-being and such during such a terrible storm brewing, meanwhile, saying or thinking nothing of the vehicle parked next to him or the other trees swaying to and fro in the wind.  This isn’t worrisome or bothersome?   I know it would worry and bother the hell out of me; but that’s just me...

Que Sera Sera

The decline, or rather, delay in continuous writing or additions to this page has to do with the fact I have no idea what to even type.  I will load up MS Word and stare at a blinking cursor for a few minutes, become severely agitated, say “to hell with it”, close MS Word and go about some other mind numbing activity to occupy my thoughts.  I have an over active mind and imagination, one thing never keeps me satiated.  I must have so much going on that it would overwhelm the normal person just for me to focus properly.  I have no idea what this is; it’s just how I work, or rather, my mind.  At the end of some days, I feel a bit fried.  I’m wondering if it’s old age kicking in at the ripeness of 30 or if I’m really taking on entirely too much.  It’s not as if I’m some mythical creature, like Atlas, holding the world up by my shoulders. 

In fact, I’m rather sure; the weight alone would crush me.  I don’t want to think about the other effects it would have.  It’s disheartening, really, but plausible to understand.  The weight of this world is so immeasurable, it cannot be held up by one person, alone; man or woman.  I dare say that it is impossible for a select body of people to do so, as the saying goes – “Absolute power corrupts absolutely”.  The state of affairs for this world, not just single countries but the entire world; should be proof enough.  I’m not an overly political person, as I believe there are some topics you just don’t talk about (i.e.: politics, religion and money).

I was quite sure, as a matter of fact, that my blogging days were over until a friend of mine posted something on a social media site that just set me off in a tangent.  Now, his attitude was completely playful and his words were not meant to incite any negative emotion; and to be quite honest, they did not.  They did, however, light the fuse inside of me to voice my opinion on something.  I rarely do this as I find my opinions to be surprising, not to myself mind you; but to those who surround me.  If you knew me personally, you would know that I am quite the quiet person with nary a serious bone in my body.  I rather be fun loving than the serious break the bank stiff necked stuffed rear-ends already roaming this world.  I know when to be serious and when not to be.  Life generally does not require one to be serious, so I am not. 

So, with all of that said.  I am returning to the world of blogging, at least, for the time being.  I cannot guarantee what all I will be voicing my opinion on, which might even put me at odds with myself and posting on the forbidden topics.  So, as the song goes… "whatever will be, will be."

C'est la Vie...

If you could imagine writers block as something tangible, it would have to be insurmountable.  You wouldn’t be able to reach destinations, known or otherwise, because the vastness would be unsurpassable.  It would have to be the largest road impediment to prevent any kind of communication or travel.  It is almost as if the work on this crucially essential infra-structure will never be completed, they will be forever altering the course of this passage.

Life has a funny way of reminding us that life does go on, regardless of all the things it tosses in our path.  People, I must say, are conceivably the most substantial of all the things it can toss at us, as they’re unpredictable.  You have no way of knowing what people are going to bring into, or take out of, your life.  There’s no real way to gauge the cause and effect of both events, as your life will be forever changed by simple random acts. 

Over the last few weeks, I have to say that I’ve gained and lost a lot; I couldn’t even begin to describe or relay exactly who and what I’ve lost.  It would be easier to explain what I’ve gained, as it seems like I’ve gained a fountain of youth.  I have no delusions of grandiose, I’m not talking a literal fountain of youth, but I do refer to the fact that with what I’ve gained, I have an entirely new outlook on the way my life currently is.  I have found a reason to hope, have faith and believe in something other than myself. 

To those I’ve lost:  May you remember me as I do you; laughing at all the comedy, smiling at the simplest of joys and reveling in the company of a fellow friend and companion.  Thank you for the way(s) you’ve touched my life, the lessons I’ve learned won’t soon be forgotten.

The Question...

At one point or another, I think everyone asks themselves the very same question plaguing mankind since the very beginning of creation.  Within this question, there are many varying answers and degrees of honesty.  I don’t believe that the answer(s) found within this question are purely black and white, the shades of grey are so vast and varied it could be a reversed rainbow, of sorts.  I think, even if the world were devoid of color, the varying degrees of differences would still find a way to come shining through and become an obvious display of disarray.

Roll your tongues back into your mouths, boys, you rabble rousers!   I’m not talking about the “What kind of porn should we watch tonight?” question.  Though, I do think the argument between “tentacle” versus “midget” just might be valid.  How would you measure them up?  I mean, there are rather endearing qualities to both.   I’m just not sure which would pull a head, if one could really get a leg up; it’d be a tough spread. 

It always amazes me the depths of; well, I wouldn’t necessarily call it depravity but maybe self-depreciation or, in an extreme measure, sadism.   You can label it whatever you deem appropriate, however, the idealism is the same; the depths humanity will go for amusement and entertainment, for themselves or others, is unsurpassed by any other category.  I never understood the necessity to make oneself into a complete jackass, or worse, to achieve this very common goal.

What I am referring to is the question of what one really and truly wants.  Money?  Love?  Success?  Lust?  Fame?  Desire?  Family?  Boats?  Hoes?  Mansions?  I could continue the list, it’d take days or potentially longer to contain all the possible wants a person could have; it is as endless and limitless as this universe.  If you made a list today of what you perceive to want, in a year, would it be the same? What about 5 years?  Or even 10 years?  Do you think it’d alter, in some way, from the original?  If it did, does that mean you didn’t really want those things to begin with and they could, in fact, be considered superfluous?  And if that were the case, would that mean you knew what you really wanted; or would it merely be what you think you want?

The answer(s) are never easy to come by and rarely what one truly wishes to hear, but the answers are there.  I shall leave you to ponder this, as I will be pondering the same thing myself…